Sometimes, people really do not have to give you what you need. Not because they are not willing, but because they just don’t have it. Sometimes, you really just don’t have what others are needing. You cannot give them what they need. Whether for lack of experience, understanding or emotional fatigue, sometimes you don’t have what they need. I’m here to tell you that that really is okay.

It is easier to love someone when we don’t need anything from them that they are not supplying, everything is going well and the connection is deepening. But, what happens when we don’t have what the other is needing in a moment? What happens when we are found wanting? What happens when needs are just not being met? Do we dissolve the connection? Do we ‘change our minds’ about wanting to pursue relationship with them? Do we allow fear to enter and prey on our connection?

Fear says because you do not have what they need, you will be cast away. They will dissolve connection with you. They will move on to someone more worthy. You don’t deserve this relationship. You will be punished for not having. For lacking. Fear begins to creep in if we let it, because we expect punishment for not having. We either then push away the people we love, before they can push us away. Or, we kick into overdriven fear-gears, trying to do everything we think they want or need. We jump into self-improvement and learning French and books by the load striving so hard to gain what we feel we lack. Sometimes, to the point of exhaustion and it will still not be enough. But, we were never created to function in fear. Love does not exist to function within fear, instead it drives out the very root and life-source of fear.

Of course it is godly and beautiful to live in community where friendships and relationships fill each other and stir each other, uplift each other and bring healing and joy to one another. Our Father created us to live in beautiful community. In love. I, myself, am extremely privileged to have people around me who have modeled what I will be sharing with you today.

But, there are times and seasons when even the closest people to you – those who always seem to just get you and love you and accept you – will not have what you need. That does not mean the relationship is dissolving or lacking in love, it just means that we have the opportunity to grow in love towards them and find our healing and answers and fulfillment with the One who always does have exactly what we need. Our Father, standing ready, always, with open arms. We, then, have the opportunity to to grow even deeper in love with the people around us and create a safe place for them to just be, because they cannot give us what our hearts so desire in our moment of need. And likewise, when we are found to be without, they extend grace and even more love towards us, creating safety and driving out fear. Perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18). God is love (1 John 4) and God is Spirit (John 4:24) and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17). Love works to create safety. Love’s nature (1 Corinthians 13) removes accusation and rushes in with freedom and grace. Both for others, and ourselves.

In this growing and extending of love and grace, community grows even stronger; it becomes community wrapped up in the dependence upon our Father. This beautiful unity becomes the epitome of safety and rest. We can rest in knowing that He always has us. We can rest in knowing that we have the beauty and strength of community around us. We can rest in the fact that when we do not have what others need, we are enough. We are loved. And we are not forsaken. We can find peace in knowing that un-met needs are not the end of a relationship or community. It is the very soil to grow in love and grace. Oh, the freedom Love orchestrates for us to live in! There is such joy and beauty in needs met, and there is such safety and growth when they are not. Love is always fruitful and abounding, no matter the circumstances.

Remember, when others are not able to give you what you need, make sure that what they experience from you is:

  • You are enough.
  • You are so loved.
  • You will never be alone.
  • You are free.
  • Everything will be okay.

When you find yourself in the place of not being able to supply what others are needing, always remember:

  • You are enough.
  • You are so loved.
  • You will never be alone.
  • You are free.
  • Everything will be okay.

All my love,                                                                                                                   Bianca