WE ARE ALL MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. FOR MANY, THEY HAVE STOPPED BELIEVING IT BECAUSE OF ALL THE VOICES TELLING THEM TO CHANGE. THE TRUTH IS WE SHOULD BE ENCOURAGING EVERYONE TO SIMPLY BE TRUE TO THEIR CORE, FOR IF THEY DID THAT, THEY’LL FIND THEIR UNION WITH GOD, THEY’LL FIND THEIR TRUE IDENTITY OF LOVE, THEY’LL FIND THEMSELVES AND REJOICE THAT THEY ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF LOVE. Mick Mooney
Psalm 62:8 Trust God, my friends, and always tell him each one of your concerns. God is our place of safety.
Psalm 62:11-12 I heard God say two things: “I am powerful, and I am very kind.”
In any given relationship there are two people, people who are different and who experience things differently. And in a relationship we find ourselves either in a position where something is required of us, or where we are the ones requiring something from the other. We all have needs, and we all want to be good and loving towards others, but often times we find our want to meet someone else’s need in direct opposition with what we are in need of ourselves. Conflict is sure to ensue due to the demand from both sides, with both parties feeling neglected and misunderstood.
We have unmet expectations because sometimes our expectations are downright fantastical and bizarrely outrageous. An unhealthy expectation is one founded in and sprouting from unnatural need and desperation, which results in us not merely requiring a met need, we don’t request a knight in shining armour, but demand acts that prove the other persons invincibility and require them to perform with superpowers in order to fix and provide everything we need. For example, when you blame your husband for not providing the necessary comfort you need after an ordeal from your childhood, you are blaming him for not providing a very deep rooted need in your heart that he doesn’t have the means to fulfil. My husband always has been and always will be my hero, but only God can ever be my Saviour. When we place people in a position where they need to save us from the things tormenting us we set them up for failure and ourselves for disappointment. This usually stems from a verbalising of what we need from someone, which is absolutely essential in any relationship, but when our needs do not get met we also verbalise our disappointment, usually in the form of passing judgement and blaming. We then go on to base our idea and opinion of a person on an action that we have already deemed inferior, resulting in our seeing them as weak. Good and healthy relationships will leave you feeling fulfilled, yes, but this happens only when the standard we set for people is actually attainable and the emotional input both parties invest in the relationship need to stay within the boundaries set by the respective people involved.
All our “voice of change” towards someone else tends to accomplish it to point out their failure to meet our expectations. We need to, like God, invite people to come to us just as they are, without judgement and preconceived ideas of what they can be and do for us. When we look at people through the lens of God’s love, it becomes absolutely impossible for them to disappoint us. Our hope cannot ever be founded in other people’s ability to meet our needs.
While facing a time of emotional stress due to conflict and misunderstanding, I clearly heard God ask me “Even if people never change and repent, can you still be ok with me? Can you still be content with “Us” when people disappoint you? Are we still good when you don’t get what you want?” I understood that in order for me to be ok, I needed to stop waiting for someone else’s apology, for them to understand me and my intentions. I was giving them the power to my peace and happiness. When you make the decision to trust God with your heart and your needs, you take back the power, rendering the things people do to you ineffective at stealing your self-worth. This also once again enables you to love with accountability and responsibility. Holding others accountable for my happiness renders me powerless, disables every ability and gift I have of being fulfilled and happy aside from that person, and we become severely unhappy and discontented people.
A good friend of mine, Jolene, was kind enough to sit in on this and give some input into the outlook she had on having her needs met in her relationship and the journey God took her on self- and God discovery. She pointed out, “We not only hold our spouse responsible and accountable for our happiness, we also hold them responsible and accountable for the state of the marriage. We generate the belief that if only our spouse would change, everything would be fine. Yeah, right!” She went on to explain how she had a very entertaining and amusing conversation with God asking Him to step in and help her marriage….. by changing her husband. Jolene had it all figured out and laid out the guidelines for what God was going to have to endure with this process of changing her husband, and even reminding God to be patient as He was going to need to spend a considerable amount of time fixing this guy. I absolutely love God’s reply, in His faithfulness and kindness God assured her that He could and would indeed fix her marriage, but that He needed to start with her. After a lengthy debate about whether she was, in fact, in need of change herself, she agreed to allow God to work on her heart, fully convinced and even assuring God that she was to be the “quick fix.” “Joke was on me, because ten years later God is still busy with me and I am still married to a wonderful man!” – Jolene